MEDIUMmoments

A collection of MEDIUM-like Moments.

by jeremy shane
Medium Moment wed July 6th Allison dubois is crying because she cant hear. she woke up and was unable to hear joe say anything. this episode repeated itself in season six when allison dubois woke up and was unable to understand the english language. and just like a good sitcom i too have repeated former behaviors this week, fallen back into old habits, fallen off the wagon, other falling metaphors and such. being blessed and burdened with an absent roomate my old habits of indulgence crept up just like a sudden network shift from abc to cbs. and just like that i was back on my old network, getting a solid 22 episode season as opposed to a 13 episode half season. but those extra 9 episodes are a big difference and these hips arent as limber as they used to be. but neither are allison’s eardrums. chi, cest la vie, cest bon, cest bon. 

Medium Moment wed July 6th

Allison dubois is crying because she cant hear. she woke up and was unable to hear joe say anything. this episode repeated itself in season six when allison dubois woke up and was unable to understand the english language. and just like a good sitcom i too have repeated former behaviors this week, fallen back into old habits, fallen off the wagon, other falling metaphors and such.

being blessed and burdened with an absent roomate my old habits of indulgence crept up just like a sudden network shift from abc to cbs. and just like that i was back on my old network, getting a solid 22 episode season as opposed to a 13 episode half season.

but those extra 9 episodes are a big difference and these hips arent as limber as they used to be. but neither are allison’s eardrums. chi, cest la vie, cest bon, cest bon. 

MEDIUMmoment - june 25th     Allison stares at her daughter Bridget with  harsh concern because a convicted sex offender has moved into the neighborhood. If Allison were really a MEDIUM she would know that Bridget is a ball busting lesbian and that any sex offender who crosses Bridget will meet a certain painful death.   The connection between a child and mother is strong. Why just last night strong hunger pains motivated me off the couch that i was so nestled in only to pull me to my mothers place of work for a delicious pita burger. as soon as i walked in the door my mother said ” Iwas just talking about you!”…. have i finally done it? have i finally become the MEDIUM i so constantly crave and post on facebook about? i would like to think so. but if i were really a medium, then i would have known that the pita burger i ate, which was so delicious at the time, would spend the entire night sexually offending my insides. where’s bridget when you need her?

MEDIUMmoment - june 25th

    Allison stares at her daughter Bridget with  harsh concern because a convicted sex offender has moved into the neighborhood. If Allison were really a MEDIUM she would know that Bridget is a ball busting lesbian and that any sex offender who crosses Bridget will meet a certain painful death.

  The connection between a child and mother is strong. Why just last night strong hunger pains motivated me off the couch that i was so nestled in only to pull me to my mothers place of work for a delicious pita burger. as soon as i walked in the door my mother said ” Iwas just talking about you!”…. have i finally done it? have i finally become the MEDIUM i so constantly crave and post on facebook about?

i would like to think so. but if i were really a medium, then i would have known that the pita burger i ate, which was so delicious at the time, would spend the entire night sexually offending my insides. where’s bridget when you need her?

Medium Moment - June 21   A blank stare hides Allison’s Apathy as the DA discusses a missing girl from an animal rights group. I don’t give a shit about her either allison, pigs are tasty. This blank stare is more powerful tho. It shows us that while her face is practically shut down, her brain is running a mile a minute, probably telling the future or something. what a boring life it must be to know what’s just around the corner. while i sometimes crave the comfort of knowing what my future holds i think i would be upset without the surprise. like shaking a christmas present and immediately knowing that you’re mother got you a pair of shape-ups as a holiday hint. thanks mom, but  these moon-shoes that they’re marketing to adults don’t help you lose weight, they just inflict terrible pain on your ankles to slow you down on your trip from the kitchen back to the bed. I have become unsettled in my mid to late 20’s wondering what my near to distant future holds, grasping to Medium moments of varying sizes and hoping and maintaining the deep seeded belief that i am meant to be somebody. everyones mother tells them they are special, but when my mother said it, she was right.  so until the haze on my determined path clears i will ponder what’s on the other side of the fence. people say the grass is always greener, and that’s true. especially if the body of an animal rights activist is buried there, right allison?

Medium Moment - June 21

  A blank stare hides Allison’s Apathy as the DA discusses a missing girl from an animal rights group. I don’t give a shit about her either allison, pigs are tasty. This blank stare is more powerful tho. It shows us that while her face is practically shut down, her brain is running a mile a minute, probably telling the future or something. what a boring life it must be to know what’s just around the corner.

while i sometimes crave the comfort of knowing what my future holds i think i would be upset without the surprise. like shaking a christmas present and immediately knowing that you’re mother got you a pair of shape-ups as a holiday hint. thanks mom, but  these moon-shoes that they’re marketing to adults don’t help you lose weight, they just inflict terrible pain on your ankles to slow you down on your trip from the kitchen back to the bed.

I have become unsettled in my mid to late 20’s wondering what my near to distant future holds, grasping to Medium moments of varying sizes and hoping and maintaining the deep seeded belief that i am meant to be somebody. everyones mother tells them they are special, but when my mother said it, she was right. 

so until the haze on my determined path clears i will ponder what’s on the other side of the fence. people say the grass is always greener, and that’s true. especially if the body of an animal rights activist is buried there, right allison?

MEDIUMmoment - may 30th   I feel like allison dubois was subtly trying to re-invigorate a passion for the once popular but never forgotten band “Wilson Phillips” with her haircuts. If i was a level omega Medium i would know that, but i think im like level 3.7. I know I have a level of Medium prowess because just the other night i was indulging in a hefty drink at a friends and while we were screaming into the night about whatever i was suddenly stricken with the strongest urge to pee. the kind of urge to pee that makes you question your life choices. the kind of urge to pee that makes you wish you had purchased those adult diapers you and your friend made fun of but secretly you wanted to buy cause they were on sale and you’re generally a cautious person. i stopped the conversation and said ” if i dont pee now, i’ll pee on the couch” ran to the restroom and relieved myself. as soon as i was done zipping, my phone began to ring and it was a dear friend of mine telling me about how she had almost, um, went number 2 in her pants. well poor girl! I celebrated her dash to the restroom and congratulated her on making it in time. but then it hit me!  I had just had a crazy urge to use the restroom too! we reveled in the moment. finally, what i’ve been looking for, a true connection to another person, yeah it was thru the bladder. but it was real. as real as allioson’s blunt cut.

MEDIUMmoment - may 30th

  I feel like allison dubois was subtly trying to re-invigorate a passion for the once popular but never forgotten band “Wilson Phillips” with her haircuts. If i was a level omega Medium i would know that, but i think im like level 3.7.

I know I have a level of Medium prowess because just the other night i was indulging in a hefty drink at a friends and while we were screaming into the night about whatever i was suddenly stricken with the strongest urge to pee. the kind of urge to pee that makes you question your life choices. the kind of urge to pee that makes you wish you had purchased those adult diapers you and your friend made fun of but secretly you wanted to buy cause they were on sale and you’re generally a cautious person.

i stopped the conversation and said ” if i dont pee now, i’ll pee on the couch” ran to the restroom and relieved myself.

as soon as i was done zipping, my phone began to ring and it was a dear friend of mine telling me about how she had almost, um, went number 2 in her pants. well poor girl! I celebrated her dash to the restroom and congratulated her on making it in time. but then it hit me!  I had just had a crazy urge to use the restroom too! we reveled in the moment. finally, what i’ve been looking for, a true connection to another person, yeah it was thru the bladder. but it was real. as real as allioson’s blunt cut.

MEDIUMmoment - may 17th Allison clutches her bosom in bated breath while talking to a killer who will later stalk her dreams when he is dead. But by the look of that mask in the back, Allison doesnt mind spooky things hanging around. i guess i dont either, i often tempt myself into studying ghosts and dreams and wondering about aliens and paranormal activity late into the night. it isnt scary when the sun is out. things rarely are, it only happens that the creepy crawlys sneak into your brain when you’ve eaten too late and the moon is out. i had a terrible nightmare the other night, one in which a big scary man was coming after me, he wore a brown suit. i dont think i’ve seen anyone in a flat brown suit ever so already i was suspicious, but the most amazing part of the dream is when i realized i was dreaming i grabbed his testicles to imobilize him.  i think i surprised my own brain. the beast was held at bay and the nightmare went from terribly frightening to absurd, the ghoul even found this preposterous. i finally did it, i was my own allison dubois! saving myself in a moment of peril by doing the thing i do best.

MEDIUMmoment - may 17th

Allison clutches her bosom in bated breath while talking to a killer who will later stalk her dreams when he is dead. But by the look of that mask in the back, Allison doesnt mind spooky things hanging around.

i guess i dont either, i often tempt myself into studying ghosts and dreams and wondering about aliens and paranormal activity late into the night. it isnt scary when the sun is out. things rarely are, it only happens that the creepy crawlys sneak into your brain when you’ve eaten too late and the moon is out.

i had a terrible nightmare the other night, one in which a big scary man was coming after me, he wore a brown suit. i dont think i’ve seen anyone in a flat brown suit ever so already i was suspicious, but the most amazing part of the dream is when i realized i was dreaming i grabbed his testicles to imobilize him. 

i think i surprised my own brain. the beast was held at bay and the nightmare went from terribly frightening to absurd, the ghoul even found this preposterous. i finally did it, i was my own allison dubois! saving myself in a moment of peril by doing the thing i do best.

MEDIUMmoment - may 13th  Devalos may not looks strong, but what he lacks in neck he makes up for in faith for allisons MEDIUM talents. i like that devotion. i also like that he hovers strongly on the line between right and wrong. much like i did last night when i had my first lucid dream. the term lucid dream seems an oxymoron, but it does sound a lot like what it really is a “loosed dream” a dream on the brink of becoming reality. much like any animated pilot on fox. (dork joke) but it was spectacular and while the dream incorporated some unsightly positions (mostly on my part) it did incorporate a trip from my grandmother, and not but a phone call out of my dream my grandmother tells me that she is coming over. i’ve actually had a true MEDIUM moment, i knew something was going to become reality. but i was still sleepy, so i told her she should had come back later.

MEDIUMmoment - may 13th

 Devalos may not looks strong, but what he lacks in neck he makes up for in faith for allisons MEDIUM talents. i like that devotion.

i also like that he hovers strongly on the line between right and wrong. much like i did last night when i had my first lucid dream. the term lucid dream seems an oxymoron, but it does sound a lot like what it really is a “loosed dream” a dream on the brink of becoming reality. much like any animated pilot on fox. (dork joke)

but it was spectacular and while the dream incorporated some unsightly positions (mostly on my part) it did incorporate a trip from my grandmother, and not but a phone call out of my dream my grandmother tells me that she is coming over. i’ve actually had a true MEDIUM moment, i knew something was going to become reality. but i was still sleepy, so i told her she should had come back later.

MEDIUMmoment - may 10th there’s a time and a place to be impressed with your talents joe dubois and while you may be well endowed, allison’s MEDIUM talents beat your large package, especially in the bedroom. like allison most of my great thoughts come to me right on the brink of sleep (baby wipes for adults, ice cubes in the shape of ice cubes, a phylicia rashad 365 day desk tear away calendar(i’m still working on this one) all my idea) but last night my typically busy brain was a hush with the promise of a full night of rest. with my nightlight on and the ghost securely at bay i rolled over to fall into a dream like state only to MEDIUM myself into a terrific and frightening journey in which i encountered people on the outskirts of my life. most of them catching me in tawdry positions and reassuring my existence. it’s hard to feel validated while on your knees, even in a dream. at least, thats what most of the men i meet tell me.

MEDIUMmoment - may 10th

there’s a time and a place to be impressed with your talents joe dubois and while you may be well endowed, allison’s MEDIUM talents beat your large package, especially in the bedroom.

like allison most of my great thoughts come to me right on the brink of sleep (baby wipes for adults, ice cubes in the shape of ice cubes, a phylicia rashad 365 day desk tear away calendar(i’m still working on this one) all my idea) but last night my typically busy brain was a hush with the promise of a full night of rest.

with my nightlight on and the ghost securely at bay i rolled over to fall into a dream like state only to MEDIUM myself into a terrific and frightening journey in which i encountered people on the outskirts of my life. most of them catching me in tawdry positions and reassuring my existence. it’s hard to feel validated while on your knees, even in a dream. at least, thats what most of the men i meet tell me.

MEDIUM moment - sun, may 8th      Allison dubois has earned her crows feet thru years of looking pensively at least once at everyone she knows. just because she is psychic doesn’t mean she knows everything. i mean, she’s a MEDIUM for christs sake, not a LARGE. I, like allison find myself staring with hints of quandry at my friends as of late.      i spoke with my mother about this year and how i had a good feeling about august, i couldnt explain it, but something in my core tells me that fall of this year is going to bring about some good change. she never questioned my gut instinct, not even once. granted she’d had a beer or two. but still, i think, like allison dubois, my family accepts my MEDIUM gifts and they will never return them for a different size.

MEDIUM moment - sun, may 8th

     Allison dubois has earned her crows feet thru years of looking pensively at least once at everyone she knows. just because she is psychic doesn’t mean she knows everything. i mean, she’s a MEDIUM for christs sake, not a LARGE. I, like allison find myself staring with hints of quandry at my friends as of late.

     i spoke with my mother about this year and how i had a good feeling about august, i couldnt explain it, but something in my core tells me that fall of this year is going to bring about some good change. she never questioned my gut instinct, not even once. granted she’d had a beer or two. but still, i think, like allison dubois, my family accepts my MEDIUM gifts and they will never return them for a different size.

what WAS that noise? maybe we’ll never know.  MEDIUM moment may 8th -     I started watching “the social network” tonight, only to be interrupted by a group of friends. these friends all encouraged me to be social and encouraged me to watch the “film” just “not tonight” i  paused the film. i hope it was a MEDIUM moment…if not, my dvd player will be waiting all night for nothing.

what WAS that noise? maybe we’ll never know. 

MEDIUM moment may 8th -

    I started watching “the social network” tonight, only to be interrupted by a group of friends. these friends all encouraged me to be social and encouraged me to watch the “film” just “not tonight” i  paused the film. i hope it was a MEDIUM moment…if not, my dvd player will be waiting all night for nothing.

MEDIUM moment - friday may 6th Have you ever woken up feeling like a completely different person? Allison dubois has, and she was lucky enough to be portrayed by the cult icon Elvira for the opening credits of the halloween themed episode in season six entitled “bite me”. i however was not so lucky. i woke up this morning with a hazy mixture of last nights events. flashes of jeeps and jolly ranchers with a complete abandon, it’s almost as if i was possessed by something…or someone. I felt like i was taking a back seat to some one else actions, watching like a science project and this morning, i barely remember any of it. i know that there have been times where allison dubois has been taken over by a spirit or a force, could that have been what happened to me last night? my own psyche shoved to the side to make room for a spirit desperate to embrace the night? or was it the vodka?

MEDIUM moment - friday may 6th

Have you ever woken up feeling like a completely different person? Allison dubois has, and she was lucky enough to be portrayed by the cult icon Elvira for the opening credits of the halloween themed episode in season six entitled “bite me”.

i however was not so lucky. i woke up this morning with a hazy mixture of last nights events. flashes of jeeps and jolly ranchers with a complete abandon, it’s almost as if i was possessed by something…or someone. I felt like i was taking a back seat to some one else actions, watching like a science project and this morning, i barely remember any of it. i know that there have been times where allison dubois has been taken over by a spirit or a force, could that have been what happened to me last night? my own psyche shoved to the side to make room for a spirit desperate to embrace the night? or was it the vodka?